What is the 'Let Them' theory? All you need to know about the newest trend on the internet

This one dates back to the age of Adam - ‘ Live and Let Live ’.

The statement roughly suggests a way of saying that you should let other people behave in the way that they want to and not criticize them for behaving differently from you. At its best, it expresses a mutuality in which we each allow each other to get on with our lives without undue interference, neither imposing our wills on others nor having theirs imposed on us. At its worst, it means: “Let me live my life the way I want to, and damn the consequences for you!”

As a guiding philosophy for peaceful interactions with others, “live and let live” is always “properly etiquette-ful,” which will be situational, contextual, and relational, and within the context of overarching ethical standards.

However, this generation is more into adapting to a new theory - the “Let them” theory!


What is it? Read on to find out.


What is the ‘Let them’ theory?

The "Let Them" theory, popularized by Mel Robbins , is a mindset tool that encourages individuals to release their control over others' actions and thoughts. The core idea is to stop focusing on what others are doing and instead concentrate on one's own actions and mindset. By "letting them" do what they want, you can create more control, emotional peace , and a better relationship with others.

The "let them" theory has to do with releasing controlling behaviors and thoughts by simply telling yourself, "Let them."


As written on Robbins’ website, "When you 'let them' do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.”

The self-help guru first introduced the concept on her TikTok page in a series of videos, many of which have gone viral. The concept is centered around releasing control and simply letting others do what they will — which several TikTok users have deemed "life changing."

Here's a more detailed breakdown:

Core concept: The "Let Them" theory emphasizes the idea that you can't control others, and trying to do so only leads to stress and frustration.

Mindset shift: It encourages a shift in perspective from trying to manage everything and everyone to focusing on your own reactions and choices.

Practical application: The theory suggests using the phrase "Let them" whenever you feel annoyed, worried, or stressed about someone else's actions, thoughts, or choices. This helps to release control and reduce the need to try and fix or control the situation.

Popularization: The "Let Them" theory gained significant traction on social media, particularly on Mel Robbins's podcast and other platforms, reaching millions of views. While it's advertised as a two-word motto, Robbins explained during a January 2025 interview on the Today show that the second part — "let me" — is actually the most important. The podcaster explained, "Let me remind myself that I always have power," adding that people should remember their thoughts and actions are in their control.

Robbins added, "Let me remind myself that no matter what's happening out there, I get to choose what's worth my time," Robbins said. "I get to choose what's worth my energy."

Not new, but rebranded: While the concept of letting go of control is an ancient one found in Buddhist and Stoic philosophy, Mel Robbins has popularized it with a clear, actionable framework and a name that resonates with many.



Is the ‘Let them’ theory beneficial?

The "Let Them" theory can be beneficial for reducing stress and improving relationships by encouraging you to focus on your own actions and reactions rather than trying to control others. It promotes emotional awareness and a shift towards self-acceptance and autonomy.

However, it's not a one-size-fits-all solution and may not be appropriate in all situations, particularly when dealing with harmful or abusive behavior.

Benefits:

Reduced stress: By letting go of the need to control others, you can free up energy and focus on your own well-being.

Improved relationships : Learning to accept others' choices and behaviors can reduce conflict and foster more peaceful interactions.

Increased self-awareness: Observing others' actions and reactions can help you understand your own emotional responses and patterns.

Greater sense of control: By focusing on your own choices and reactions, you can regain a sense of agency and power over your own life.

Enhanced emotional intelligence: The "Let Them" theory encourages you to detach from the emotional drama of others and focus on your own feelings and responses.


Potential drawbacks:

Not suitable for all situations: It may not be appropriate when dealing with harmful or abusive behavior, or when your own boundaries are being violated.

Can be misinterpreted as passive resignation: Some may view it as an excuse to avoid taking action or communicating when necessary.

May lead to self-sabotage: If you are not assertive in your needs and boundaries, it could lead to feeling resentful or powerless.


To sum it up – the "Let Them" theory, although it can be proven a powerful tool for personal growth and improved relationships, it's important to use it with discernment and awareness of its limitations.